The Mistake I Made

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Shift responses are a hallmark of conversational narcissism. They help you turn the focus constantly back to yourself. But a support response encourages the other person to continue their story. These days, I try to be more aware of my instinct to share stories and talk about myself. I try to ask questions that encourage the other person to continue. I’ve also made a conscious effort to listen more and talk less.

Recently, I had a long conversation with a friend of mine who was going through a divorce. We spent almost 40 minutes on the phone, and I barely said a word. At the end of our call, she said, “Thank you for your advice. You’ve really helped me work some things out.” The truth is, I hadn’t actually offered any advice; most of what I said was a version of “That sounds tough. I’m sorry this is happening to you.” She didn’t need advice or stories from me. She just needed to be heard.

@https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-help-a-grieving-friend

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ontem ouvi as minhas crias a falarem. muito, de muito e duro. apeteceu-me várias vezes abrir a boca para ajudar, mas por uma razão qualquer achei que aquele era um momento em precisavam apenas de falar — e serem ouvidas.

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I'm still learning